Birthday Blues

Today is my birthday. Yesterday I felt so excited about today, about being celebrated, about my friends and family asking me to be with me today.

But that was yesterday. I’m crying right now. I felt uneasy, and I thought I was going to be better. I just now received messages from my friends and family trying to change my birthday plans. I didn’t understand why, but one of my friends whose birthday is in two days told me that many of them were going on a trip because of a Holiday we have on Monday.  Not all that of them, but those who I cared about the most tried to convince me to change my plans because they have different plans now, even though they knew in advance what I wanted to do.

So, here I am, not happy on the day when I’m supposed to celebrate the gift of being alive. I’m finding out that manipulators in my life are well and alive, still trying to convince me to adjust to them, never them to me.

I’m hurting so much right now. I feel like I have no worth whatsoever. I don’t think it’s fair. Nevertheless, it’s a working day, so I have to keep pretending that everything’s fine, but I also have to pretend that I am happier than any other day because I’m celebrating life. I’ll pray for my mask to be on until I can be safe to take it off.

Happy birthday to me.

Things I’m grateful for:

I’m alive for another year.

 

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