Today I woke up with heavy headache. As it was ebbing, I drank some coffee and had breakfast with my family. After that, I went to lie down for a little bit. It’s almost 5 p.m. and I’m still in bed.
Today I wanted to do so many things, to change my life, to live my life; but I just couldn’t. I’ve spent hours in my bed watching series and thinking about how stupid and unproductive I am. I know it’s my head, but I can’t help it.
At the same time, I started remembering how I was when I was 18- 20 years old. For sure I wasn’t as wise as I am today, but I had drive. Anything I had in mind I could do it. Now I’m just a memory of who I was and it hurts so much. So, yes, today I’m down the rabbit hole. I just can’t seem to get back on my feet.
I feel shame is surrounding me, going back to those cringe-worthy words I said or things I did, being as useless as I think I am. I’ll try to let these thoughts pass. I’m going to try to count my blessings. Hopefully I will make it through today’s misery.
Things I’m grateful for: