Never ending.

I was supposed to write an entry per day, at least one a month; but I failed. On November my therapist considered I was well enough to stop my medications. I was completely thrilled. I was “cured”. I knew depression would always be with me, but at least I could feel normal again. Nevertheless, my therapist did advise me to be aware of how I felt during this period. I needed to be attentive to how I reacted to this. December and January were months with so many things going on that I couldn’t assess correctly how I was feeling: My sister, who lives abroad, was in town; a friend died; my brother was deciding his new path, and I was working in an International Convention. It was quite busy. I did feel that I was returning to the depression signs, but I asked the therapist for another month to evaluate myself. He told me that if I ever needed to take my pill, I should do it no doubt. As I tried to keep on with my normal life, I just couldn’t. I couldn’t even write a single line for this blog.

Two days ago I started taking my medication again. I can’t express faithfully how  much of a failure I feel today. I thought I could teach myself to overcome it, but I just couldn’t do it. On top of everything, I feel like I’m a failure in everything I do. I can’t do anything at all right.

Still, I’m trying to be grateful and positive, but it’s really hard. For now, I guess I’m back to square one.

Things to be grateful for:

I’m alive.

 

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