Well, yesterday everything was finished. I ended my partnership with my friends because I felt I wasn’t moving forward. There are more details that led me to that decision, but to be honest, I don’t want to dwell on that. I put up with it for about two years and it was more than enough for me. I watched everyone doing things that motivated them and I felt stuck. Regardless of the circumstances, I was sacrificing everything for everyone, even myself. Maybe it is what we call low self-esteem, but the point is that I had to step back to let myself grow.
I have to say that sometimes I feel as if I just failed my friends, as if I had abandoned them; but then I remember how much I suffered all those years, months and days. They were painful. I was becoming resentful, envious, and unhappy. For my own sake, for the sake of the people around me, I had to move on.
I still don’t have clear goals on my mind. Maybe I should begin with trying to keep this blog updated every day. Nevertheless, I know I can’t block myself. I’ll try to have by this day, next week, at least some of my life goals clear, for the next 5 years or so, for me to move forward.
My therapist would be proud of me. I’m seeing him next week. Let’s see how everything goes. I guess I feel a little bit numb right now. I don’t have my feelings clear, but I do feel less burdened.
Things I’m grateful for today:
- Being able to write this entry.
- Being able to work at least something.
- Seeing a lifetime friend after a long time (I will talk about him in my next entry.)
- Working with Jay (Yes, I will also talk about her.)
- Being alive.